The past 6 months has been full of opportunities hence the lack of blog posts. I started this blog as an act of self care and expression when I felt my opportunities were really limited. It now feels surreal over a year on to explain the other ways I’ve been able to express myself.
Connecting with others
This has been an utterly terrifying part of this year but something I have been seeking the whole time I’ve been campaigning. There is no way to address the systemic nature of online harm as an isolated individual. At the same time there’s no way to connect with others who have been affected by online harm.
It’s a sign of how far I have come as a campaigner that I felt that I could put myself out there as an individual worthy of other campaigners working with. Tentative DMs and emails have turned in to connections that have brought so much solidarity and creativity to my life as a campaigner.
Getting investment
Once I was connected with other campaigners I suggested we apply for a support scheme for community campaigns. First time applying for anything like this and … we got it!
I’ll admit there was a lot of excitedly shrieking at my laptop when I found out. For me it showed that people do see value in campaigners coming together. For the first time it’s given me and others the space to create something. Schemes like this for grassroots campaigners are a lifeline
Setting up infrastructure
The bits you don’t see are setting up mailing lists, bank account, policies , website…
A youth led change day I went on last year massively helped me understand what I needed to do and where to go for help
In progress
There’s lots of finer details and decisions we’re working through to launch a platform for young people affected by online harm to share their experiences and what needs to change. It’s coming soon and I’m so proud.
Still dealing with the reality of online harm
I always say that my experiences of online harm are never ending. In what has been a really busy 6 months, this is certainly still true
The not so great reality
CW mention of suicide
My mental health has been not so great this year. I know that most official sources of support online are made for neurotypical people. So I’ve often turned to other neurodivergent people on social media for information.
I tried out using Tiktok to find information, starting with some basic phrases around mental illness. I didn’t find what I was looking for so I started using the recommended searches. Gradually they became more and more graphic to the point where I was being recommended detailed information on suicide methods.
I try to avoid information on methods as it’s something I’ve sought out in the past when I was very ill. So it felt pretty violating to have that recommended to me when I was trying to get help.
Lesson learnt :- don’t use TikTok to find information on mental health but ultimately don’t use TikTok. Each time I log in it starts recommending ways to end my life. That’s not what I need now or ever, I wish it wasn’t there because if I am really ill again I know exactly where to go to access content on suicide methods.
I wish I didn’t know it was that easy to get to, at least when I was really ill before, it took a lot of search refinements to access content on methods, this is just recommended to me. It really undermines everything I do to stay well.
The slightly better reality
Last year I wrote about my discovery that my abuser had started writing about me on Reddit as soon as I cut off contact with him. I routinely check his Reddit to make sure there’s no new posts with identifying details or child abuse material.
Something I never thought was possible happened. His account got suspended. He’s been suspended from photo storage services before but as far as I know never a user to user platform.
It’s a relief, if it’s anything like what happened with the photo storage platform he’ll move off the platform, and try and find a platform that is less hot on content moderation. But for me it’s still a relief
I never even reported the account because I just thought there was no point. His behaviour is accepted online.
Him being banned shows me that maybe things are starting to shift. He’s still active on other platforms but to know one didn’t tolerate his behaviour is a big step forward for me. It’s validating when it was always up to me not the platform to figure out what I would or wouldn’t tolerate
To recap
This years been incredibly challenging so far, at the same time it’s been so rewarding too. Hopefully in the coming 6 months I’ll be able to share more about what I’m working on.
I’ve certainly got a lot of work building on what we’ve already achieved but I’m so grateful to the many people who have helped me make a start.